Hello… How are you doing?
I don’t even think my greetings are sincere…
Every time I look at you in the mirror, I’m filled with disgust, hatred, insecurities and cowardice.
Not every time though, sometimes I see better things.
I see a person with a dream but it’s just not happening.
Because you have this trait of doing everything wrongly.
Like now, I’m looking at you, and I can see you crawling back into your broken shell.
Don’t you ever get tired?
Why are you so unfriendly?
Why are you so quiet?
Why are you so ugly on the inside?
Why do you judge so much yet you ain’t nothing?
Why are you so much of a coward?
But then again, why are you so kind?
Why are you so nice?
Do you like it when they use you over and over again?
Do you enjoy it when they hurt you again and again?
Do you enjoy being nice or are you afraid of being lonely?
Looking at you, I’m so confused. I don’t know what to see. All of your sides are ugly, none of them amazes me.
Why don’t you just have a stand on who you are?
How did everything change?
How did everything come up to these?
This is not what I wanted for you, I expected that at this point, everything will be smooth just like in the books.
I expected a strong person, who didn’t back down without a fight. A person who fought for themselves. A person who didn’t have to try so hard to be who they wanted to be.
Looking at you, we ain’t the same. The person in the mirror ain’t me at all. It’s some stranger I don’t know.
Your present is so dark, filled with dark shadows all around your body.
Just break that shell completely. Start afresh, maybe everything will turn out better.
But don’t you always do that? Start afresh.
I can’t see positive results, unfortunately, they are disappointing.
I’m too tired for that crap. I can tell that so far, it ain’t working. I hate it because whoever I see is the real you and the sooner I realise, everything is blurry and am all blind again.
Don’t look at me like that, why don’t you face down so that I don’t have to see your broken face?
I don’t want to see your sadness.
If you are sad, that breaks me too.
I like to see you smile more often. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to discourage you.
But can you at least try?
I know that I don’t have so much faith in you but at least try.
I don’t know if you will make it, but the next time I see your reflection, I hope to see a different person.
Other write-ups by Lepasha
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