Rape Culture: 1st Account

Rape Culture: 1st Account by Lepasha

“I have been bored to death today. Nothing to do, just watching TV. I have done nothing of any importance today. I hate it because an idle mind is the Devil’s workshop is no joke. I know it’s true and lately, I’m beating myself up to it. I really need forgiving from up above.

I haven’t been my best man lately; I can’t blame it on my parents’ way of raising me. This side of me is my fault, I am the one who brought it up, so I’m guilty as hell. But does it matter? On Sunday, I can go to church and make peace with The Lord for my actions.

I’m taking these drugs to help me forget the innocent blood flowing from her. I remember her pleading eyes, I swear that look will haunt me for as long as I live. All I wish is for some rain to come down on me, to cleanse me of this dirt. But I’m afraid of the rain.

I took a long puff of weed so that I get high to forget what I did. Does it matter though? I will come down again soon, and it won’t matter cause I will remember everything again.

Before Sunday comes, I will be praying each and every day for forgiveness, so that after giving an offering, I will be as clean as new. On the other hand, did I do a mistake though?  Nope, I just had it easy.

She was just walking right there in front of me. Didn’t anyone teach her not to walk wearing such clothes? And nobody taught her not to walk alone too, I guess.

Damn it! She was giving me all kinds of feelings. She made me angry, she was pushing me away. She wanted nothing to do with me. I had to remind her who the man is around.

Now, I know she got to understand who I am, she will never forget this face. I’ll be in her dreams, and the face she’ll remember the next time she opens her eyes. I don’t think she went to the police. I would already have been inside by now. But no, I’m not. So, I got away with it. At least, she knows I was right, I’m the man.

Every female should understand who we, males, are.

This doesn’t make me a rapist, or does it? Nope, I only did what was right. God knows that I needed it so badly. You can’t judge me for it.

I am as free as a bird, I’m clean as new. I sing and lead the choir for all I know, she doesn’t go to church. No one comes there looking like that. As a matter of fact, I cleansed her, I could feel the impurities in her as I was inside her.

Oh shucks! There goes another, seems sweeter than the other. She is not wearing like the other, she is much decent. I bet I could give her an intro.

“Hey…”

She doesn’t seem interested. I think she wants me to show her how manly I can be. You don’t have to walk fast or run, I still got you. Is she trying to scream? Let me just finish my business here, she will be begging me after this.

Transaction complete…  Looks like she is going to pass out anytime soon. I don’t think I hurt her in any way, just a few beatings to make her stop shouting.

Anyway, once again, I got to prove who I am to these girls. I don’t mind doing it again. Not that I’m running psycho, I’m just taking what I can have easily at my hands. Oh! I have to leave here before someone finds me here. Tomorrow, I’ll check out a different place, am sure the snacks will be plenty at this rate.

I’m the man I chose to be…

Other write-ups by Lepasha

• Untold
• Reflection