It’s always hard to fit in
If you don’t belong there, you don’t.

All of the things I did
To make them happy
Were simply not enough
There still was space left to hurt me.

Might be punishment for forcing things
Or maybe just nature sending a message.

All of those times
I tried to listen in on your stories
And give feedback on my thoughts
Just to realize that my opinion
Was not important
For I was not smart enough
For I knew nothing about what you knew.

I listened into your jokes
Laughed at them
Although sometimes, I didn’t get them
I tried to joke along
But all that met me
Were blank stares and whispers
Message was clear enough
I was no comedian but looked like a joke.

I observed and listened to you
Always talking about your experiences
And adventures
Just like the movies
You people had lots to offer on the table
This made me feel
Like I wasn’t meant to be in your world
To later think of it
Most of them were lies
Come to think of it
You made my life a movie.

I tried to walk and act like you
Hell, I even tried to see
If I could think like you
But I couldn’t
I only used to see greatness in you.

Now all I see
Is that you had rotten minds
All you thought of was evil
All the greatness I saw
Was just a phase you needed to get past.

I never took the time
To accept that I didn’t belong with you
Nor were we to ever be in the same page
I just needed to know my place
Accept who I am
And not feel like an outsider.

From that point
I had to realize who I am
And how far I could fly
Without having to fit in.

At this point
I want nothing to do with you
On hearing your name
I feel like am being haunted
You being close to me
Feel like am being infected
I’m filled with too much anger
That I can’t shake off.

They say that we should try
And remember people for the good they did
But the good only comes
As a flash and then it’s gone
Feels like hatred
Is overtaking any good memory I had.

I know it ain’t good but I can’t help it
It’s just what it is.

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